Pop-Culture and Passing

“Passing” has always been a touchy subject for me. As a mixed-race person I have always felt as though I lived in a rather “damned if I do” place with regards to how I identify. My life experiences and upbringing were very much centered on my Native American heritage. My appearance, however, always made the acceptance of that by both myself and other people very difficult. It’s not easy to present as differently than you identify because there will always be plenty of people to tell you how you should identify. I am constantly reminded that because I present as white to their eye then I should accept that I am in fact a white person. There are two problems with this: I am not a white person, and it is not the decision of anyone outside of myself to decide how I get to identify. There is no proper way to present as a person of color/non-white person, and for anyone else to press a definition of what is or is not properly “of color” is unacceptable.

I don’t recall a ton of pop culture that deals specifically with the politics of being mixed race or presenting differently than you identify. It is one of the reasons that when I picked up and played Dragon Age II that I was so startled and taken with some of the missions surrounding the character Feynriel.

A screencap of a very pale young man with fair hair, light eyes, and very thin features, including a slender nose, and shallow-set eyes. He is meant to look half-human and half-elf, and should appear all human.Feynriel is a half-human/half-elf young man that you meet when his mother is distressed because he has come into magic in a way that has caused him to possibly become a danger to himself. A funny thing about Dragon Age is that the writers, most notably I imagine being David Gaider who wrote the novels where I noticed this lore most heavily played upon, have given us a situation where a person born of mixed-race origins will always present one way. In this case, a child born of one human and one elf parent will always present as human, and in a world lacking DNA science, there is no way to tell otherwise. Dragon Age provides us through the course of two novels and three games with two fairly prominent characters who depict this background. One I will not spoil for you if you are not aware of it or do not consider it canon (though to me it is completely obvious that this is in fact exactly his lineage and quite intentional). The other is Feynriel. They do, however present very differently.

Both are men, and one is the very picture of a stereotypically “ideal” looking man, while Feynriel looks far more elven. He has the narrower features, flatter forehead and more shallow set eyes of the elves in DAII. He is more fair and thin. I even found his ears to be slightly pointed. I found it interesting that both characters seemed to prove my basic idea that no mixed race person will every look exactly a certain way.

I wish that BioWare had taken a slightly less Caucasian approach to presenting a face of a mixed-race person, but in my mind the variation in features provides a little bit with me to work with that I might almost be willing to let that pass. Almost.

Feynriel’s second largest problem is that he doesn’t feel like he fits in anywhere. When he lives among humans he feels as though he stands out as obviously an elf (a point I found odd given that half-human/half-elf children should always look human, until I thought about it more). Considering that elves experience extreme levels of racial hatred and discrimination this is understandably an uncomfortable place for him to have lived his entire life. His first largest problem being that he is also a mage, subjecting him to hatred and fear above that status. Feynriel wants to live among the Dalish Elves, a nomadic clan of elves, and when (if) he is there, despite finding some help with his magical woes, he feels, again, that he stands out due to his human parentage.

Wow. Can I relate.

Feynriel made me feel a little like I could relate to that situation. Not quite ever belonging in one place or to any one people because no matter where you were someone was going to see you as the other. Additionally, his situation made me re-examine the thoughts that pounded instantly into my head when I watched his woes unfold before me. My initial reaction of “Hey! He looks awfully elf!” really hit home when I realized that that assumption is the very thing that I get upset with people for. I loathe people for telling me that I look very white, dismissing my Native background, and I had just done the same thing, albeit to a pixelated character, but done it all the same.

Chally at Zero at the Bone has written many great things about this topic, and I recommend this part three of a series she has written: The Privileges and Pains of Passing.

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The Spirit Within

I have a new post in my series “The Games We Play” up at Bitch:

Horrible acts of violence, when linked to mental illness in pop culture, perpetuate the stigmatization of people with mental illness in real life as potentially violent. They give audiences the idea that it is OK to strip the rights of persons with disabilities because we could, at any moment, become a danger to the public, even if we never have before. All of the mages in Kirkwall were deemed in need of control because they were all going crazy, another stereotype of the mentally ill. Eventually their deaths were all called for, because they were deemed too much of a threat.

 

Read the rest here!

 

Also:  Access This

The Straight Male Gamer’s Privilege

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Hardcore vs. Casual

New post is up at Bitch!

There is a certain sect of gamers who want you to believe that they are the only true gamers. They are the self-congratulatory ones who want to take credit for carrying the market all by themselves into the modern era only to be traded in for the pieces of silver that turned out to be games that more people could enjoy and access without having to devote another full-time job’s worth of hours or spoons to it. Games like Peggle and Lemmings and even Tetris were insult enough without The Sims being interesting enough to be one of EA’s most popular games and apparently dragging girls into the mix (because dudes never play The Sims, amirite?). This, of course, means that no one will ever make a decent, fresh, innovative, hardcore game ever again.

You can read the whole thing here!

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Playing With Anna Collier…

During the course so far of my series at Bitch I have had the opportunity to interview Anna Collier, a truly awesome figure in the U.S. pro-gaming circuit:

 

We gave our daughter her first World of Warcraft account a few years ago, and a friend of ours told us that we were setting her up to be one of the “jocks of the future.” Do you see pro-gaming being taken as seriously as professional sports one day?

I can see pro-gaming getting more recognition as a professional sport very soon into the future. Gaming has already become a sport with paid professionals, sponsored teams, recognition in major magazines and, soon, televised shows and events. Gaming is like any other sport; you have teams and coaches, practices and scrims, and then you compete at a tournament. Many people would probably say gaming isn’t a sport because there isn’t any physical activity, but you never hear people complain about chess not being a sport, do you? Gamers go under a lot of stress when competing, they have to time certain weapons and power ups, have to have great communication skills, and above all, they have to stay calm while under pressure. It can get very intense, and if you aren’t prepared, you’ll lose. End of story—Game Over.

 

Read the whole thing here!

 

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When Girls Grow Up in a Title IX World…

It’s a busy Saturday as usual in the babble manor, which is not unheard of in homes where children abide. There is the sudden wake up, the realization that someone has to make sure that the humans in the house eat something because apparently they have to have fuel in order to grown, and the scramble to get ready for one event or another for every Saturday, it seems, is jam packed.

Today it was a skills assessment for softball, for Kid is now officially old enough that she must diverge from playing baseball and start playing softball like all the other big girls. She had decent fielding, apparently throws like a girl, depending on who you ask, and can really crack a ball across a field, which is pretty awesome. It also did not go unremarked upon that coaches really like having lefties on their teams, it seems.

I have a rough time handling my mixed feelings about the baseball/softball divide. I love the way that in younger years the kids have a common way to bond, irrespective of their gender identity. They just play baseball. That is where Kid met who I would say is her best friend she has ever made, and had she been on a segregated team they would not have met, he would not have invited her to his birthday party that summer, and they would not have bonded so well. There are so few places where kids are treated the same as coed sports teams.

On the other hand, I love the way that sports like softball are all for girls and women. I know so many women who played softball growing up who remember fondly the experience of having a team that was their own. While I watch in silent anger the way that baseball is privileged over softball in so many ways, and the way that women who are skilled in softball will never go on to receive the same accolades that their baseball counterparts will, I know that the women who play in these leagues take away a special team experience.

It can not be unlike my own track and field experience, or cross country, where we were encouraging of each other in ways that I never had in other areas of my life, but I’ve seen enough of team sports to know that a team people who work in individual events doesn’t work quite the same.

So, while we are toiling away tonight in our Spring cleaning, CLEANING ALL THE THINGS, I ponder the ways that I am both indignant on account of the segregation of young children into baseball and softball, but I am slightly grateful for it all the same.

I am grateful that girls growing up have a space for sports where they can be with each other and encourage each other where they can be treated with respect and lift each other up for their skills without being brought down with things like “you did that pretty well for a girl” (though, my buddy from the youth sports center did ask a girl at the assessment today if she was “too cute to get dirty”). I just know that there is no such thing as “separate but equal”, and the softball/baseball divide is one such of these. No matter how the rules of Title IX tried to make it so.

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Pwn Anonymously, With Love

My newest post is up at Bitch Media:

But many people rely on that anonymity for many reasons. Apparently, we as gamers are still catching a lot of flack for engaging in our favorite hobby. Even though the ESA [pdf.] says that the average gamer is 34 years old (26% are 50 and older), that 67% of house-holds in the US own a gaming console or computer for running “entertainment systems”, and that 64% of parents believe that games are a positive part of their children’s lives, gamers are still viewed by many as deviants. Being a Halo player can even be used as a political smear. We are unproductive. We are prone to violence. We lack ambition. Something … I forget, I think we also lack concentration, but that might be my fifth Code Red Mountain Dew today, also. *Shrugs* Why shouldn’t we be able to enjoy our favorite way to unwind without worrying about how our co-workers would feel about us running around Azeroth twenty hours a week as opposed to plunging ourselves in a good book or taking a cooking class?

Read the whole thing here!

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What Are You Up To?

funny pictures - You coulda told me dem birds were fake before I ran headfirst  into da wall..
see more Lolcats and funny pictures.

I’ve been a tad pre-occupied with, um, things. Like my series, The Games We Play, over at Bitch Magazine that’s going on right now. The most recent post,With All Due Respect is up now. Why don’t you tell me what you’ve been reading recently, or playing, or doing?

I’m also waiting for my copy of Dragon Age 2 to show up in my APO mailbox so I can get going with the excitement. It all works out because I switched consoles recently (and am sort of lamenting not choosing to play it on a PC, but it is so PRETTY on my PS3, so, wev), and am still trying to get an importable run-through ready from DA:O. We’ve also acquired Heavenly Sword, and I am a bit sucked into the story, if not impressed with Narito’s lack of pants.

I am giving up on 1984 for now, in favor of finishing the Jacky Faber series and continuing on with the Ender’s Game series (and am going to have to bust to stay ahead of The Kid, who is finishing up the first book!). I am just a little too depressed for Wells at the moment, and will put it up to finish at a later date. It’s a good book, but I have to read it in the sunshine, I think.

The break in weather is allowing for more walking time after school, but I am squeezing in some time in the water as well.

So, hit me up in comments? What are you up to?

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Ender’s Game

Moderatrix’ note: If you have not read Orson Scot Card’s Sci-Fi novel, Ender’s Game, (and why not?), this post is not for you. You man want to consider skipping it, as it will contain spoilers about key characters and plot elements.

If you don’t mind that sort of thing, Party On, Wayne.

 

I approached Ender’s Game not knowing what to expect, which was a good thing. I seldom venture out of my genre of fantasy reading, and I like my fiction in certain confines. I appreciate a good space opera from time to time, but they are few and far between, and usually have to be recommended by a trusted friend. “Trusted” here reads as “someone who has recommended a book to me that I have finished”. Even a good Star Wars novel must come with a stamp of approval. There are just too many to be going all willy-nilly in the book section.

I liked it. I really enjoyed it. I enjoyed it from a Sci-Fi appreciation perspective, viewing it with a startling awe of how accurate Card’s prediction of future possibilities were. His concepts of using video game technology are not so distant today, and the idea of a whole military school devoted to using such things is not far-fetched. I was taken aback by the idea of military super-genius children driven to a place so cold that all that mattered in life were the war games played in a school for future leaders, but the idea, in my mind, was not so out of this world that I couldn’t see a universe under threat resorting to such measures.

I added my military perspective to my reading of Ender’s Game, and for anyone who is a military person who read this novel prior to their career, I would encourage you to re-visit it now, after your training has changed your understanding of where you stand in the world and how things are done for your own good when you don’t fully realize it (much the same way I encourage you to pick up Catch-22). If, for some chance, some Very Important military person (or even a middle peep) is reading this, I reach out and say that Ender’s Game helped me appreciate rank and structure as it should be just a smidgen more.

Emphasis on “should” is important.

In my line of work there is a lack of understanding, appreciation, and even compassion for the military and its members. Our rights, needs, and causes are not championed the way that others are, even when those causes overlap and intersect with those of others in the social justice sphere. I think this has a lot to do with the perception of the military over the last decade and more. We are viewed as harbingers of destruction and violence, and rarely as we are meant to be: defenders of peace. I think that deep down some people think that we deserve the mistreatment we receive. That is probably because we haven’t been directed as ethically as we probably could have been. The flip side to this is that we are viewed as a monolith by many; the military is a huge machine that thinks and moves as a hive-mind, I think many believe. I think that we are viewed as a structure that has given up our rights, for whatever reason.

I used to call myself a pacifist, even during my enlistment, and have only recently realized that I grossly over-extended the definition of that term. I believe in seeking peaceful ends whenever necessary and not using violent force against those weaker than you for the sake of dominating someone who doesn’t threaten your life. I won’t object to the use of force to preserve your safety. I learned that one the hard way Once Upon A Time.

But Ender’s Game demonstrates, beautifully, my thoughts on military power, even only as one element of a brilliantly put-together novel.

Colonel Graff, a character than I don’t believe is supposed to be sympathetic — or perhaps that was my own perception of him — was somewhat endearing to me. I saw his actions in a light that was understandable through the lessons that I was taught in boot camp. The tearing down of certain personality traits, the intention of making a person feel isolated, the almost brutal way that training makes an individual dependent on themselves and no one else while at the same time making them fully in need of a team to accomplish their goals. These things and more are necessary in order to protect the lives of people who can’t see the broader picture from outside the frame; people who can’t know what is at stake for their own protection. Even if it pained Graff to inflict pain upon Ender the way that he did and allowed, he knew the sacrifices that had to be made in the name of what he believed to be the Greater Good. These things are seldom pretty, and I think often those of us who don’t see the bigger picture of decision making lack the perspective of how horrible and difficult those decisions are. The dramatic effect of inflicting these things on a child make it all the more shocking, and Card, I think, was brilliant in this choice.

I understand that military Chains-of-Command see and know things that civilians never will. They learn and know things that will never be seen nor heard by people lower than certain levels of security, and they will forever be the subject of hatred for it. In a perfect world they must use this to protect lives, and the people below them must answer orders without question. The training process that Ender undergoes at Battle School, and later at Command School, while far more extreme than anything I’ve encountered, demonstrates what we who have taken training and military pledges know: Whatever is necessary is what we will do to protect those we swore to serve.

In a perfect world we would need no military, because there would be no war. Perhaps we could all sit down to tea and work things out nicely and wear pretty hats. I like hats and look good in them.

But Ender’s Game expresses a theme that deep down we know to be true: Standing military forces are necessary. We must be willing to defend ourselves, or we risk going the way of The Naked Empire (and I promise never to use a Terry Goodkind reference in a way that indicates he might have been on to something ever again, mmm’kay?) from that eponymous segment of The Sword of Truth series.

Graff explains this best on page 253 of the edition I was reading, when Ender asked him, quite simply, why it was they fought the buggers. Graff’s answer is equally simple: They attacked first. They were provoked into fighting when a peaceable solution failed. They were provoked, and had to defend themselves. He said:

“Ender, believe me, there’s a century of discussion on this very subject. Nobody knows the answer. When it comes down to it, though, the real decision is inevitable: If one of us has to be destroyed, let’s make damn sure we’re the ones alive at the end. Our genes won’t let us decide any other way. Nature can’t evolve a species that hasn’t a will to survive. Individuals might be bred to sacrifice themselves, (254) but the race as a whole can never decide to cease to exist.”

I believe that people have an innate sense to defend themselves, and rightly so. If we don’t do so, then the first person strong enough to overpower and destroy us will, and we deserve to have it happen. Who else should? Along that line, if we can help someone who is being bullied, we should as well, for the right reasons, but that is another post. If we are unwilling to defend ourselves we deserve the fate handed to us by the dominating force.

This isn’t to say that military powers should run unchecked. Quite the contrary. We have a responsibility to ensure that our militaries are being engaged in just causes, and I have said this before. Even Ender, in the end, could not bring himself to wipe out the buggers completely, even as they worked, it seemed, to wipe out humans. Ender had compassion and a knowledge of what was right, and decimating a whole species to annihilation was not just. As he became the Speaker for the Dead, he did what I hold to be central to self-preservation: finding a peaceful solution if possible so that you can live with yourself when doing what must be done.

Military politics are so complex and layered, and difficult to discuss in progressive circles. I know that it can be charged and difficult. It is also tinged with a bit of personal when I consider the life-toll that I know of. It is understandable that it is. I don’t know if there is a great Karmic balance sheet the Universe uses, but I hope there is, and I hope that it really does try to set it even. I hope it is beyond what I have lived and seen.

I don’t know if Orson Scott Card intended to reach out and facilitate a sympathetic view of the military and the tough choices made by people who must decide who the sacrificial lambs are going to be, or the sacrifices made by those who volunteer. But, aside from being a guy who obviously had an affinity for the Atari, I think he gets many things right, and makes a case for the consideration that the military may not be a giant monolith at which to aim ire.

Posted in military, politics, pop culture, random babble | Tagged , , | 5 Comments

Late Night/Early Morning Migraine Babbling…

I’ve never had a migraine I couldn’t sleep through… but this one is determined to make a liar of me.

I am reading. On a bright screen because migraines seem to make me not think clearly either. Wev. I am catching up on all of the internet that goes on when I am productively writing, and forming things over in my brain, which I am pretty sure is staging a coup against my skull.

Please stay with me, the profound part is coming up:

I don’t want the world and everyone in it to stop conceptualizing race, gender, sex, ability, creed, etc. I don’t want them to “only see people” and not pay attention to those things about people, because the descriptors that apply to me in that list (and the ones that I’ve forgotten) are part of me. They are part of who I am, who I have become, and what has shaped the person I am, for better or for worse. If we stopped seeing those things we would be bland, boring people and I am willing to bet all of the parts of humanity that bring us the creative wonders that make us truly awesome, the Original Meaning, not the new one that means socks and hot dogs, would cease to exist.

What I want to happen is for other people to stop thinking of those of us who live at intersections of those descriptors as less-than because of those things. I want people to stop ignoring our voices because we can be described by those words. I want people to stop dismissing our needs as “special” because we can be divided into categories under those words.

These things are part of who we are, and the key to equality and getting along isn’t ignoring them. It isn’t even in spite of them. It is loving and accepting because of them. Because these things are uniquely human and are what make us whole.

I don’t want someone to not consider a part of who I am when they think of me. That isn’t thinking of me, but rather, thinking only of the part of me that is more convenient for you.

Posted in disability, gender, QUILTBAG, race/racism, random babble | Tagged | 1 Comment

Earthquake and Tsunami Post

Our hearts and thoughts go out to everyone who is affected by the 8.9 earthquake that hit Tokyo, and the subsequent tsunamis that hit northern Japan. We’ve been watching the coverage of all the areas under warning and watch, including but not limited to Japan, Australia, Guam, Easter Island, the Galapagos Islands, Ecuador, Chile, Peru, Central America, West Coast U.S., British Columbia, and of course, Hawai’i. As I understand it, the warnings and watches have been lifted from several of these places, with either little or no damage being left behind.

In the years we have been moving about with the military, we’ve amassed quite the family of people around the world, and oddly enough, many of them are strewn throughout these areas. I hope that you all are safe. Please stay safe.

Here are some resources for information:

The National Weather Service Watch Warning Advisory Service

Google Person Finder: 2011 Japan Earthquake (in English and Japanese, and my browser is showing Traditional and Short-form Chinese as well.)

Japan Earthquake Live Blog (CNN)

Please feel free to add resources to comments.

ETA: The WAGGGS sends along this message of how to help the Girls Scouts of Japan help their sister scouts.

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